Todays

It is currently 6:03 AM. I am still awake.

Yesterday, when this all started, I wandered around the city for the day until going to a Klimt exhibit with my parents, and then out to dinner. Then I met up with Jason Lee in Times Square, had a little impromptu iPod dance party with him in front of tourists taking pictures, and went off to find a bar. He had a whiskey sour that I partook of, and we went off to a jazz club where other friends were trying to down Kamikazes that were apparently not so good. Some guy came over and asked "what's the matter with them?"; apparently he was the manager and got them new drinks, prepared properly without the tequila. And also befriended them and said they could have half off or something. Which was kickass. We stayed there as it was closing up, and then they were going to meet Joey's cousin at Hard Rock.

I've never been to the Hard Rock Cafe. It wasn't necessarily in my interests, but it was nice to have something to look at while you don't drink because they card. I feel like it's the best way to celebrate still being 20. Even though I can't get into most places, it's nice to still feel like a baby even though I'm pretty old now. I can still feel barely legal >.<

I told the girls (Stephanie and Vanessa, both in from New Jersey it seems) about my situation, and they said they could probably get me past the bouncer in the bar they usually go to. We walked down to around 34th street, getting free pretzel samples and being asked to pick a number from a group of people trying to make a decision. They told me to just say I only brought my college ID, and although the guys at the bar didn't fully believe me, they let me in because no one else's ID was "funny". I hung out with the group and got some cocktail that tasted like pool water and was made with vodka, peach schnapps and cranberry juice and had no name.

I don't think New Yorkers are aggressive, the way Daniel does. I think you can go up to them and talk to them and I think that's amazing. There's a fabulous comeraderie among people who are similarly aged and similarly drunk. Girls were telling me how cute I looked, discussing their situations like they knew me. The crucial and amazing part is that I only know them for this night, and I crave that. I'm not this me for more than one night, it breaks down. I don't think that's because it isn't me; I think it's because it's hard to hold up the real me for long enough.

We ordered some music at the jukebox and waited around for it to come on, chatting and telling me to cheer up. I was perfectly happy, I was just perfectly happy to be watching. This is all a bit new to me anyways, I don't usually go barhopping.

The oddest and most amazing thing, though...We were standing outside cos some of the girls were smoking, and someone poked me and said "There's someone staring at you" and it was some guy, and then I noticed that he was with Bill and Julie from FSI! I was kind of amazed, I couldn't believe it. Julie is a sweetheart, I was really glad she was there. Especially as that guy continued to hit on me, which was mostly a fun game but a little bit awkward. He was trying to convince me that he was 22, when his driver's license said 1980. I ended up just not believing anything he said. He accused me of seeming angry and not smiling and giving him a hard time, but I figured that if he thought that hitting on a 20-year-old was going to be easy he would just find out otherwise. It's just a game. I know what they want so I know how to not give it to them. アタシの町だ。

The dude was pretty persistent. Adam texted to say he was going to sleep, so I went outside to call him while I had a chance, and a few minutes into it the dude comes out and starts pestering me. He was yelling "boyfriend!" and grabbed my phone and started trying to have some useless conversation. I'm hoping Adam honestly found it entertaining, because it was pretty funny to me, but I wasn't sure if it was a nuisance. Time goes more slowly in that state - you have nothing to do, so no one is wasting your time. But it might be different on the other end of the line.

I think the dude finally went back inside, and I didn't see him again. I stayed outside with the girls and Jason Lee. There was a guy in suspenders smoking by the grate, so I went up to him and asked him who he was. He was Daniel, which was slightly disappointing. We discussed Things for I suppose the rest of the night, Jason Lee chaperoning us down the street, where we found an abandoned mattress to hang out on.

I was the one who noticed that it was getting light. 「朝になちゃうよ」. We were out there until around 5 in the morning, when a homeless man informed us that we were hanging out on his bed. He wanted weed money, and would sell us some disgusting sex toy that he stole from the nearby store for five bucks. The boys had their perverse fun playing around with it, but I had to leave. It reminded me how people think of us. The man joked that he didn't mind if we used his bed for an orgy, except that the guys would have to leave. I protested that that wouldn't be much of an orgy. It was light so it wasn't scary, and I could just leave.

Daniel ended up getting on my train, to get the ferry to Staten Island. He had a shirt with no buttons left, and he had pulled the fabric through the buttonholes to keep it on. I offered my sewing kit, and in the time it took us to get from Christopher Street to Franklin I sewed one on. He wanted another, even though my stop was next, and in some strange luck the train paused in the tunnel just long enough for me to finish.

I don't think he wanted me to leave, but that's how it goes. I said Maybe I'll run into you again, and he said Never, and I left. What I wanted to say was, Are you afraid?